Since 8th grade, my heart has been set on being a graphic designer. I fell in love with Photoshop and knew that for the rest of my life, I wanted to play with it and get paid.
Now here I sit, about 8 years later, and my life has done a complete 180 from where I thought I'd be.
I don't want to be a professional graphic designer anymore.
The stress, time, effort, money and tears aren't worth the small amount of pride I feel when I complete a project anymore. I feel like the sacrifices I'm making to pursue school just isn't worth it any more.
I still enjoy designing, but I don't want to make it my career anymore. I'm afraid that if I pursue it any further, this thing that I love will be something that I hate, and I don't want that.
The best way I know how to describe it, is that it feels like I'm taking a hobby and trying to make a career out of it.
It's like jewelry making or scrapbooking. I enjoy making jewelry for myself or for friends when I have the time, but it's not something I'd want to turn in to a career. I don't want to make jewelry for the rest of my life.
I love designing things for myself, like my blog layout or invitations to birthday parties or little fun pictures just because, but I don't want to design for other people anymore.
I'll probably still pick up a freelance job here or there, but I'll do it for me and because I want to, not because it's my job and I have to.
Today, I went to UCO and withdrew from my classes. Wednesday I have an appointment to speak with a counselor and I'll drop my Graphic Design major.
I have no idea where I want to go from here.
8 years of my life I've had tunnel vision, set on graphic design. Now that I don't want to do it anymore, I have no idea where my life is going to take me.
The strangest part of it all though is how calm I feel.
Not a week ago, my professor informed us that at the end of next month, our portfolios were due. When we turned our portfolios in, the entire design staff goes over all of them and basically decides either "Yes, you're accepted in to the second half of the program", "It's good, but take the portfolio development class this summer and submit again". or "No, graphic design is not for you".
I was in a panic. My heart was pounding, I was sweating, I was a complete wreck. I was terrified that I wouldn't get accepted in to the second half of the program, and if I didn't get accepted, then what would I do with my life?
Now, here I am, withdrawing myself and purposefully changing my career path.
Like I said, I haven't the slightest idea what I want to with my life now, but with the help of my family and friends, I hope to find something soon.
Right now, the only thing on the table is transfering to OSU-OKC for American Sign Language interpreting like my sister-in-law, but they don't offer a Bachelors Degree.
We'll see, I have the rest of the spring semester to try and figure it out.
Thank you everyone for being supportive, I'm making changes in my life to better it and things are only going to get harder before they get any easier.
Krysta Figueroa,
Ex-Graphic Design Major
